What if we could understand marriage the way we desired it to be? This has been a source of debate for my wife and I for sometime. She often has asked my thinking. At moments of uncertainty I pull the, ‘nothing, I’m nothing thinking about anything’ when it’s a lie. I am, I just had no desire to share. Now, it isn’t that I intentionally work to lie to her for all who assume I must be a jerk to not share my thoughts with my wife. I simply found myself uncertain how to share what I needed most.
10 Thoughts from a Husband to His Wife (and encouragement for anyone married, thinking of marriage, or curious about it):
A wife can encourage her man to talk by writing a note and leaving it by the door or in his lunch. My wife has been doing this for some time, leaving a nice note in my lunch bag for me to think on. A little encouragement from her will go a long way with him. My wife does this for our children every morning, showing how much she loves them and how appreciated they are.
Saying thanks for everything he does no matter how big or small it may be.
Always tell him that you love and cherish him no matter what the circumstances may be.
Touching goes a long way, no, not always that touching though it is welcome. 🙂 The touch a hug or a good massage will lift his spirits.
Make sure you are truly interested in what he has to say, even if it is job related. He might have something important to say or just needs to expel what is heavy on his heart. Listen, say little, just listen.
Communicate with your man what you need from him, don’t assume he can read your mind.
You can’t train an old dog new tricks but you sure can persuade him to deviate from his habits. Make sure you understand where he is coming from and try not to be forceful about wanting change. It takes time and trust. God made us all unique, yet, demanding more than asking may direct change in the opposite direction you set out for.
Make sure you have smile plenty at one another, encourage laughter. It’s simple and free, yet, we know well after a long day rest can seem more interesting than laughter. Yet, it can be the easiest task to bring you together after a busy, long day as well.
Plan a date night at home when the kiddos are in bed or find a babysitter to watch them so you can go out and then finish the date night at home. 🙂
Communicate…talk, about something or nothing but talk. No longer accept the excuse that guy’s don’t talk or talk as much as much as their wife. I did. I told her I didn’t talk because I wasn’t good at it but failed to see that it was a need for as much as our marriage. My need for conversation is less than hers but it still is necessary for the marriage. I stood by this for years, believing that because it wasn’t my need it wasn’t necessary that I make this a strength rather than my deficit.
My wife can vouch that communication is not my best asset, rather, it may an area of weakness. Yet, I know this is an area important to my wife and thus, it needs to be important to me. With practice, I’m better but it took argument, disagreement, and frequent episodes of ignoring each other to see how valuable the skill of communication is. Now, we’re not therapists, but we have lived a less than perfect marriage for many years.
What We Won’t
We were all but a success story yet it was through those years that we experienced what we no longer wanted to. We wanted to love the one we were married to and what we were doing wasn’t working. Don’t misunderstand, we still are not perfect; we have days we still have to work to love beyond what our flesh desires. We continue to have to work on communication and honestly, this our area of vulnerability. Yet, I realized as a husband that I built up walls that I was responsible for that hindered our marriage. I intentionally stopped engaging at moments because my flesh was broken, stubborn. I’m not a man perfected, but I have found that that I learned who I desired not to be. We were on our way to divorce. It was a conversation we had that stung deep. I knew if the patterns of my ways did not change our marriage would be no longer. It was then things began to change, yet so many years of damage occurred prior that I knew it would take time and grace.
Who We Are
Megan and I are simply broken people who had all of the odds against us. We had astronomical school debt, we were on one income, we lost hope and turned from one another. I’m still stubborn and have my ways, but I’m learning. It too was the dependence on our faith that pulled us through the deep valley to solid ground. Now, I mentioned that I’m stubborn, so you know that many of those days were tough. I rationalized, I attempted to talk myself out of any work I knew I had to do to improve trust in our relationship. It wasn’t overnight. I wish it were much like a building project, you build, finish, and enjoy. This project, if you will, must be worked on, tended to consistently. There is no easy fix it, no corners to cut, it takes time. For me, it was no more excuses. We live in a world that divorce is the answer, yes, particularly after some time has passed that the marriage has been but a blessing. And maybe that’s where being stubborn is an asset, we refused to give in. We knew we had all against us yet there was enough of us that didn’t want to give up.
Listen, we don’t have it together. We don’t edit to only allow the good of our life to be seen. We were simply broken, hopeless, that’s it. We we’re not a success story from the start of our vows. It was tough and many times we wanted to give up, yet, God had us hang on. He wasn’t done with us yet. I know marriage is hard. I know when it feels all is against you that there is no reason to continue, however, march another day.
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